The Journey

It has been eleven years since the death my son's Michealjohn . It was a cool afternoon after school April 7, 1992.

Mike died in a car wreck as a passenger of the car with his seat belt on.

His last thoughts still hunts me. "I know it was 'Mom'. It takes my breath away.

It drains the life out of me. I miss him so desperately. Mike was the BEST of me.

It was the type of relationship between a mother and her son that we knew each others thoughts without words.

While I was grieving the physical loss of my son. I reached up out of the pit of despair, grabbed the hand of the Lord. and still holding on tightly.

There is no other way to survive the loss of a child.

No human can comfort, Not even the closest friend or family members.

When Mike died I wanted someone to help me, I needed someone to give Mike back to me.

I needed someone to understand.

But this was not to be so.

No one could give Mike back, No one could help with the pain.

I set alone in the darkness fearing to sleep for when I awoke I was out of my mind with grief.

It always scared me before his death that our bond for each other was to great.

He had just turned thirteen and had become a fine young man. He was the type of spirit that was much older than his years.

The Bible reminds us that "Children are a gift from God; they are his reward." (Psalms 127:3 TLV) They are just given to us for a little while.To teach and to love.

God allows us to receive the gift of children so that we can better understand our relationship to our heavenly father. As we love our children we are also called to love and obey the Lord our God. When one experiences the untimely death of a child the grief of our loss can cause us to want to blame God. Sometimes bad things happen to innocent people, not because God wants bad things to happen, but because of the sin that is in the world.

It is helpful to remember how much God loves you at times like this, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." (John 3:16-17 NIV) God wants to comfort you now at your time of greatest loss, because he loves you. Your job is to make yourself available to Him so that He can help to heal your sorrows and comfort your loss.

Jesus tells us to turn to Him when we endure trials; "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11: 28-30 NIV)

At this time of great loss and suffering it is not uncommon for individuals to suffer from depression and struggle as they adjust to the loss of a child. Your doctor may provide you with prescription medications that can help you with the symptoms of depression. While prescription medications can provide short-term relief, a strong spiritual foundation can help you heal over the long-term. A spiritual relationship with Jesus Christ can help you carry the burden of your loss and find a light out of the darkness. In the Gospel of John, Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life." (John 8:12 NIV)

While there is darkness that may surround your life at this time, there is hope for tomorrow. Jesus promised His believers that He will never leave us. At this time of sorrow and grief prayer can help.

It is important to grieve. It is important to cry, It is important to remember and to know that your Child's love for you Never dies.

Since you are at this page, I have to assume that you have lost someone. Since this page is about the death of my son, I am going to assume further that you have lost a child. A child that you love with every ounce of your being and a child that you don't think you can survive without. I am here to tell you that you can.

It will be the most difficult, the most painful, and the most lonely journey you ever take. It will take you through nights so black you will think you've gone mad. It will burn your soul with it's strength and will turn you inside out a hundred times. It will slam you to your knees when you least expect it, and will fill your heart with a heaviness that is unbearable. But you can endure.

The Answer is go to the Lord in prayer. He shall give his grace and mercy. Deliver you from your grief and pain.

You can expect to feel any emotion in existence over and over again.(Go to the Lord in prayer)

You might feel OK one minute and suicidal the next. .(Go to the Lord in prayer)

You might try to avoid thinking about your child as dead, and might play "let's pretend" in your head for hours on end.

You might see your child walking down a street, sitting at a stop light, or playing on a swingset. You might even follow them for a while before you realize that it isn't them. No mistake has been made. This isn't a nightmare. This is real.

You might find support and love from people you barely know, and find some of your closest friends and family members unable to meet your eyes.

You might want to talk about your child all the time. Few people will be able to listen....(Go to the Lord in prayer)

You might obsess over what could have been, what should have been, and why..(Go to the Lord in prayer)

You might avoid going places where you've been with your child..(Go to the Lord in prayer)

You might not be able to get out of bed some mornings..(Go to the Lord in prayer) He will give you a day full of sunshine and days with rain.

You might not be able to go to sleep some nights..(Go to the Lord in prayer)

You will cry..(Go to the Lord in prayer)

You might scream..(Go to the Lord in prayer)

You might isolate yourself..(Go to the Lord in prayer)

You might surround yourself with people at all times..(Go to the Lord in prayer)

You will never be the same person you were.

You will never "get over it."

You must go THROUGH it.

At this point, I think you have realized that grieving the death of your child can and will effect you in so many myriad ways that they cannot be listed as symptoms or stages as some have tried to do. Any feeling or emotion we experience is "NORMAL." Losing a child is a catastrophic loss. Getting through it without pain is impossible. My advice to you is this.

Take It To The Lord In Prayer.

"It is the best and only advice given to find peace within."

Take it one breath at a time. Take care of yourself. Let it happen. Listen to your heart. Talk to anyone who will listen and if that is not possible, talk to yourself, your God, your angels. Talk to your child. I believe they still hear us. If you are feeling suicidal and you are planning to act, GET HELP. Your child will need you here to keep his memory alive. If you are not eating or sleeping after the first couple weeks, see a physician. You will need your strength to get through this. And going through it is what it's all about.

There are those who manage to skip the pain. They go back to work, they push all thoughts of their loss aside. They never give themselves time to feel the hurt. Ten years later, they still are unable to mention or hear of their child's name. THEY HAVE NOT GONE THROUGH IT. They have gone around it. And they have let their child's memory die with him/her.

There are also those who will not let it be. They choose to take their pain and absorb it into their hearts. They will not move past it. They want to hurt, they want to suffer. They become bitter, angry people. They are jealous of others who have healthy children, and they are angry at the world for stealing their child. They believe we, as a society, owe them WHATEVER they want. They do not reach out to help others because they believe that they should remain in pain. It is the RIGHT thing to do.

I am going to say one more thing here. If you are new to this loss, if you are still in the pit, you may be offended by this. You may disagree with what I am about to say. But I believe it with all my heart, and I believe I need to share it. If you go through this pain with the intention of surviving it, and with the hope that you can grow from it, you will come out of it on the other side with gifts from the Lord both for yourself and for others.

Allow me to use a metaphor: Grieving the death of my son is like walking along a strange road in the dark. Since it is my belief that every situation I encounter is an opportunity for me to grow, I have to find that opportunity. But first I have to get out of the pit that lies at the beginning of the journey. I have to get through the mire, find the right turns, and climb a few mountains. I have to make mistakes, retrace my steps, ask for directions, rest, and endure. I have to have faith in something or someone being there to catch me when I fall. When I do all of that, however long it takes, I plan to arrive at my destination with my arms laden with treasures I have found along the way. There will be days when I need to go back into the forest. There will be nights when I am back at the beginning. But once I walk this road from beginning to end, I can at least walk alongside someone who is just crawling out of the pit.......and with the treasures from the Lord of compassion, strength and insight, I will be able to make their journey.

It is important to grieve. It is important to cry, It is important to remember and to know

'Love Never Dies'.

If you need a friend, Someone to talk to about your loss, Go to the Lord. He will not forsake you.

If ya need to talk to someone who feels your pain. I am your friend. Contact me I will be there for you.

When you're walking down the street and you've got Me on your mind; I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind. And when it's time for you to go....from that body to be free. Remember you're not going.....you're coming here to Me.

The Gift of Grief

Death takes away. That’s all there is to it.
But grief gives back.
By experiencing it, we are not simply eroded by pain.
Rather, we become more compassionate, more aware,
more able to help others, more able to help ourselves.

Grief is powerful. It plunges us into the depths of sorrow
and forces us to face the finiteness of life, the mightiness of death, and the meaning of our existence here on this earth.

It does more than enable us to change: it demands it.
The way we change is up to us.
It is possible to be forever bowed by grief.
It is possible to be so afraid of one aspect of it that we become frozen in place, stuck in sorrow, riveted in resentment or remorse, unable to move on.

But it is also possible to be enlarged, to find new direction,
and to allow the memory of the beloved person who has died to live on within us... not as a monument to misery,
but as a source of strength, love and inspiration.

By acting on our grief, we can eventually find within ourselves a place of peace and purposefulness.
It is my belief that all grievers, no matter how intense their pain, no matter how rough the terrain across which they must travel, can eventually find that place within their hearts.

Author unknown